in your mind, 2 women together in love raising a child.  It doesn’t work out for whatever reason but the child is extremely close to the ex.  You may ask yourself, well what now?  If I meet someone else will the situation become too complicated?  Here’s Kirsten’s story!

So I know you have a son, how old is he again?

 He is 8yrs old.

 Okay & your ex-girlfriend and he have a close bond.  Explain that bond they share.

Well my son met my ex when he was 2yrs and they got along great from the start. She would come over just to see him (me super jealous) like he loves her to no end; he says he feels like he has two moms and he started calling her My Gabby. He would run to her legs every time she came through the door.   He would ask a million questions about her while she was out.  He adores her.

 I’m sure u can appreciate the fact that your son shares that bond with someone.

Yes I can

Now with you and your ex, how is your relationship with her?

We get along pretty good we have our run-ins from time to time, she texts me every morning to say hello. 

How does your son feel about you guys no longer being together?

He hates it. He really doesn’t understand why we’re not together and living together. He acts funny towards new friends.

Which leads me to the next question, how will he react when u start dating someone else and it becomes serious? How would you handle all of that?

He has tried lately to get along with a new friend but on occasions he acts mean towards them, and then asks to go with Gab (my ex) but I try to talk with him and get a clear understanding.  He tries to explain but sometimes it’s unclear as to what he’s feeling. Then I tell him the friend is not here to replace the ex, she is here to make mommy and him happy. Then I try to explain that the ex (Gab) is happy with her new girlfriend so why can’t mommy.   He says I can have a new friend just no kissing, only on the cheek. Lol.

Say you do start dating someone and she doesn’t like or understand the relationship your son has with your ex Gabby, what then?

Then we shall not work. My son’s happiness is what matters the most in my life.

Should you ever consider moving, be it to provide a better life for your son,  a new job offer,  or moving away with your new girlfriend and your son says no because he’ll miss Gabby.  How would u handle that?

If that’s the only reason then I would just have to reassure him that he will always be able to come back and see her, but this move is going make things better for us so it’s something we have to do. I think he’ll understand that.

What advice would you give to other parents in this same situation, having an ex-girlfriend who is close to the child, while attempting to move on with someone new?

Don’t push or shut your ex out your child’s life if they have always been good to them.   Your child may resent you for that, and it could actually do major good in your child’s life.  They will have more than just you as a person to run to for help, for guidance, and just for everyday needs.  Let the one they trust remain in their lives!

The latest round of “featured singles” starts tomorrow.  If you’re 18+, single, and living in the United States, you may apply.  Simply send a message to Team Lesbians or email us at Teamlesbians@gmail.com for the application or more information.  Thanks.

- Maliyah

 I’m Gay

 

Tears at night
Sobs and fights
Dad I’m gay
I’m so confused
Lost and Bruised
Mom I’m gay
Hated and clowned
No friends found
Grand mom I’m gay
Assaulted and ridiculed
Loner at high school
Grandad I’m gay
Secret lust
Close friend crush
Auntie I’m gay
This is not a trend
Tired of playing pretend

Sister I’m gay
Secure in my own skin
Don’t judge me because of my sins
World I’m gay

@TeamLesbians latest guest blogger, J.L. Gregory writes about being born gay.  It’s a beautiful piece in the most simplest form.  Devoid of all the technicalities one would expect when reading about such a topic.  It is what it is…check it out!

It is discussed in common conversation, in journal articles and studies by sociologists and psychologists alike. 

Homosexuality:  Choice or genetics?

My first conversation on this topic occurred when I was around 16 years old. I was watching baseball with my grandmother, attempting to ignore the whirlwind of “I think I’m a lesbian and I’m scared to tell anyone but I want to tell someone,” thoughts swirling in my head.  I suddenly perked my head up from where it was resting on her shoulder and I asked, “Grandmom, what do you think about gay people?”

She looked at me and she said, “I think gay people are people, why?”

I shrugged, “I dunno.  You think there’s something wrong with gay people?  Like a chemical or hormonal imbalance?”

She shook her head, “You know… I really don’t know.  But it doesn’t matter. Gay people are people.  Imbalance or no imbalance.  They’re not sick.”

Satisfied, my head settled back on her shoulder and we continued to watch the baseball game.

Four years have passed since that moment.  I am now 20 years old.  My grandmother passed away two years ago and I miss the simplicity of her wisdom and insight.  I’ve had a lot of time to think about my own views on homosexuality and what it really means to me.

For the sake of my own peace of mind and for the sanity of the readers of this blog, I will present my thoughts using the same, simple approach my grandmother instilled in me.

People are born gay but they make the conscious decision to act on their feelings. 

There are plenty of homosexual men and women that are locked in heterosexual relationships for multiple reasons: fear, denial, confusion, convenience, etc. 

These people are gay, regardless of their choice of partner.

Homosexuality is in the heart.  It is in the blood that pumps through that heart.  It is in the core of the individual.

I have no statistical evidence.  I have no data.  I have no charts and graphs, no citations from scholarly and scientific studies to “support” my argument – and I don’t need them.

You don’t need a degree to be gay, nor do you need a doctor’s diagnosis and medical bracelet to wear at all times: Diagnosed as a homosexual; hormonal imbalance; please refer to nearest individual of opposite sex.

Embrace who you are.  Don’t be afraid. 

Name: L Dream

Age: 29

Twitter: @3rdEyeDreams
Tumblr: 3rdeyedreams.tumblr.com

Location: Baltimore, MD

Coming out age: 16

What was the hardest part of coming out?

I was most worried about my parents. I knew my mom wouldn’t be too bothered but my dad damn-near disowned me. After I confessed to my mom I called my dad (who lives in Ohio) to tell him, but my step-mom answered and I suddenly lost my nerve. I was brave enough to tell her but I just couldn’t figure out how to break it to my dad without disappointing him. Even though I told my step-mom not to say anything, she told him anyway…hmph! So that summer when I went to visit he pretty much laid into my lil ass. But I broke it down for him…I said: “Dad…I’m 17 years old. I’ll be 18 soon…a GROWN WOMAN. I think I’m old enough to know what’s right and wrong by now. And I’m old enough to make mistakes and learn from them on my own. If this is a mistake, let me handle it on my own terms. But I’ve been confused and unhappy for most of my life…and now that I feel like I’m on the verge of finding myself, you want me to go back to what I was. I’m sorry…I just can’t do that.”

In the end, he basically came to terms with it…he didn’t really have a choice though lol. 

Do you still struggle with others due to your identity?

I used to. Especially when it came down to figuring out whether I was more of a stud or femme. I was always a tomboy and I can count on one hand how many times I actually put on a dress…but at one point I went through a really “boyish” phase, rockin baggy pants and oversized shirts…it confused the hell outta a lot of people. But as I got older I realized I was just masking my womanhood. Now I really don’t consider myself stud OR femme…I’m still a tomboy…but I have slightly feminine mentalities. All I know is I’m happy with who I am and FTW :)

What advice would you give to someone who fears coming out to their family and friends?

All I can say is be true to yourself…love who you are. If you love yourself then the rest will follow!

@TeamLesbians guest blogger, @Bs_Ego_ brings you a blog about LABELS…It’s definitely an INTERESTING blog that you don’t want to miss.  Check it out!

I wear men’s clothes. I haven’t worn a dress since early high school and that was a costume for a play. I’ve never owned a hand bag and I don’t own heels (although I can walk in them if the emergency arises). While I display all the mannerisms and the appearance of a more masculine personality I don’t consider myself to be masculine/a Stud/ a Dom or whatever other label is popular this week. I am invisible, is what I am, for there is no label that describes exactly what I am, and I think there in lies the problem. In our small little community (I was reminded of how small when talking to a friend the other night, but that’s another story) there is a need to find the one term that encompasses exactly who we are, as if using that term will warn us and others of what lies ahead should a relationship be pursued. In reality these labels or definitions have done more damage than good. Each label brands a certain persona on each and every one of us and I personally find myself sick of it. And I bet you’re sick of it too.

For example: am I expected to dive after every woman I see because she’s in a nice dress and heels? Who said I’m even attracted to (you) that? So your dress is meant to match my suit and tie and that’s it! That’s the basis of your attraction to me! It’s not because we might have something in common, not because we’re both interested in the same things, it’s because you’re wearing the female versions of the Jordan’s I’ve got on and you look pretty in make-up. Sorry to burst your bubble sweety but heifer, I look good in make-up, what else you got? I thought that once we gays announced to the world that we were going to live our lives unafraid of publicly showing who we loved that all bets were off in adhering to the social stereotype of butch and fem dichotomy? In other words, I thought we could fuck who we want no matter what clothes they wear?

@TeamLesbians guest blogger, @SapphicLove brings you a blog about HIV/AIDS…It’s definitely a MUST READ.  Check it out!

Growing up HIV/AIDS was something that only happened to people on TV and I honestly didn’t have much time for TV because I was too busy being a kid, unlike today’s kids, but that’s a whole other blog. As time passed and people did too I evolved and started realizing people could fight actively against the virus but choose not to. On my journey I’ve met a lot of fascinating people who have left an impression on my life, left me believing in monogamy. In the gay community there’s a lot of partying, drinking, drugs, and promiscuity. Now mix that all up with a lot of horny, high, drunk, dgaf people making the wrong choices. It all comes down to that. Choices. There is a lot of people who have it and don’t know it and a lot of people who have it and don’t give a shit about anyone so they continue to spread it. So if you’re going to go out there and be promiscuous then do it safely!! Get some head from a clean mouth using male/female condom, get some good hand jobs, foreplay and watch each other masturbate… do whatever it takes to get off but do it safely. Once you’re infected you’re fucked. I know there’s a lot of you out there who have an impact on what people think so to you I ask we spread word and act upon preventing this virus all together everyday not only Dec 1st. As a side note I think all condoms for females/males should be free. The condom manufacturing company’s need to come together with the gov and establish “ACD” AUTOMATIC Condom DISPENSERS, LIKE atm’S. But without all the fees, FREE in places like clubs, schools, bars, libraries, liquor stores, bus depots, religious organizations, job sites, banks, everywhere. EASY ACCESS. We’re not all like this but think about it. How many of us do like partying that shit up. I’m just saying we know how to party, all fucking night. don’t be offended by what I’m saying because I know that a lot of us fight against that stereotype but the truth is, partying when we’re young is what most of us do. ask the people who don’t party like it’s their job how many people they know who are infected? now I know partying is only the accomplice but she makes it easier. For a testing site near you go to http://www.hivtest.org/ or go to http://www.avert.org/america.htm for some facts. I promise you, ignorance is not bliss.

@SapphicLove

                       @Yung_Crusay - DREAMS MONEY CAN BUY

                    Check her out: http://reverbnation.com/YungCrusay

                                         http://youtube.com/DirtyBiznessTV

If so, head on over and like our page if you’re so inclined.  http://www.facebook.com/pages/TeamLesbians/178359295525769 Post on the wall, upload pics, socialize!! Also, if you’re on twitter you can follow us @TeamLesbians. xoxoxo

@TeamLesbians is looking for people that would like to blog about their opinions on certain issues.  We will select random people for each blogging topic.  If you’re interested, please tweet, DM or message us here on Tumblr for more information.  Thus far, it will be on a first come, first serve basis but everyone that wants to participate will be able to at some point =)

Sincerely,

Maliyah

*Sidenote* There are no specific requirements for blogging other than we’d prefer that you include a photo and website information if you have any such as twitter, tumblr, etc.  Thanks xoxoxo.

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